i am swathed in the luxury of wanting---------
how it maroons me & blues me & crushes me.
underneath: a verdant biodome. it unfurls in the humidity,
flytrap eyelids with radiant curl & radiant teeth,
hibiscus bloom cheeks, clipped bush mouth, all roots
running under skin. it’s all beauty, really, run by fear.
root veins drinking at the feet of anxious electricity.
i am dripping in lush negativity. i dress in pretend forgetfulness.
i want to be a greenhouse. i want to be a devourer. i want
& it gives me away. i want to be a terrifying unknown
& i want to be loved. i always pick love. i can’t help it.
i suck at the root of love. i drink at Their feet. i want Them
to pick me & i let Them dress me in green. it brings out
the color of me. the color they like. i pretend to be a girl
They will be proud of. i want to be grateful so i write
myself into a garden & let them prune me & harvest.
but: i did not forget. i am lush verdant & flesh. i, heartbeat.
i, want & wanted. worthy outside expectations. i suck
at the root of love & am nourished. i am all the roots, remember?
i am the humidity bloom. i, love & loved. i am afraid & still
i live. i live. I live.
how it maroons me & blues me & crushes me.
underneath: a verdant biodome. it unfurls in the humidity,
flytrap eyelids with radiant curl & radiant teeth,
hibiscus bloom cheeks, clipped bush mouth, all roots
running under skin. it’s all beauty, really, run by fear.
root veins drinking at the feet of anxious electricity.
i am dripping in lush negativity. i dress in pretend forgetfulness.
i want to be a greenhouse. i want to be a devourer. i want
& it gives me away. i want to be a terrifying unknown
& i want to be loved. i always pick love. i can’t help it.
i suck at the root of love. i drink at Their feet. i want Them
to pick me & i let Them dress me in green. it brings out
the color of me. the color they like. i pretend to be a girl
They will be proud of. i want to be grateful so i write
myself into a garden & let them prune me & harvest.
but: i did not forget. i am lush verdant & flesh. i, heartbeat.
i, want & wanted. worthy outside expectations. i suck
at the root of love & am nourished. i am all the roots, remember?
i am the humidity bloom. i, love & loved. i am afraid & still
i live. i live. I live.
Bianca Phipps (she/her) is a queer Latinx poet, actor, and teaching artist based in Chicago. Her work can be found or is upcoming in Persephone's Daughters, Heavy Feather Review, Blue River Review, indicia, and Button Poetry.